My students found my blog(Hey, students! Welcome back to my blog.) My first reaction when I learned that my students have fallen into my outlet for friends and family back home was to absolutely panic. Since first arriving in-country the program has been telling us to choose very carefully what information we allow our colleagues, students, and local friends to know about us. But this feels insincere and constructed. As with every situation in life, you have to treat your relationships delicately, and be sure not to offend those around you. Relationships are important and burning bridges over silly issues is not a wise decision, but closing off channels of your personality can prevent bridges from being built at all. So, students, welcome to my blog. I think you'll find that you're mentioned frequently! And remember, always be unapologetically yourself. #PracticeWhatYouPreach No seriously, be yourself.A common frustration among ETAs (and all teachers that I know for that matter) is the feeling of always having to be "on." When a student greets you with a loud and giggly "Good morning teacher! How are you today? Where are you going? Let's selfie! Can or not?!" an appropriate response is never "Woah. Shh! I'm still finishing my coffee. Gimme, like, 10 minutes for these circles under my eyes to fade away." But I also believe that it's important that you be a real human to your students. There's a really interesting "western hero" perception that exists among the younger generation here. White people are beautiful, tall people are all models, America is filled with celebrities, and ETAs are bundles of joy that know every fun game the world has ever offered. (I still often get asked why I'm not tall and blonde like "most" Americans. . .) In any case, I think this idea that we, as westerners, are required to always be "on" perpetuates the very stereotype that frustrates us. When a student says "Sir, we can selfie now. Smile!" There is nothing wrong with answering "You know, I don't feel like selfie-ing today. But come hang out with me after class tomorrow, and we can selfie all afternoon!" I also refuse to feel faulted when a student says "Sir, are you angry with us?" and I can say "No. I'm very happy with you, actually. I'm just very tired today, so my energy level isn't as high as usual." This isn't to say that I roam around school sulking and telling students that I hate selfies, hate school, don't sleep, and they need to leave me alone. Let's be honest, I LOOVE taking selfies with my students, and I really do love high-energy games in all of my classrooms. But we must also allow our students to realize we are human. My skin is white, but my heart still aches. I'm the youngest teacher at the school, but I still get tired after long days. My passport says "United States of America" but I'm from a town equally as rural as my students, and I don't know celebrities. My family history is Italian, so I'm short and tan, but that doesn't make me any less American. And that's okay! (Aside: Not physically fitting the American stereotype is a massive struggle across the board for ETAs. But in all honesty, my being white (though an unexpected shade of white) has given me a privilege not as readily given to ETAs that identify as a minority race/ethnicity. Explaining my height, hair color, and skin color has been a minor part of my experience here. I think often about the identity struggles that my friends who aren't white experience, and I hope that Malaysians (and even a lot of Americans) are exposed to new people and learn that DIVERSITY, not whiteness, is America.) But in all honesty, I feel that allowing my walls to come down, and by not allowing expectations of the American stereotype to overcome me, I've reached students that might not have otherwise reached out to me. Big personalities can be intimidating, and allowing yourself to shrink down and be human every now and again makes you approachable. (Gosh, I hope my students find me approachable...students, if you've made it this far in my blog, come hang out with me!) Everything moves forwardI thought that being removed from friends and family for a year would be difficult. I was right. I am king FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out - for you newbs out there) Thanks to social media and FaceTime, I'm able to keep up with almost everyone pretty frequently, and I'm so grateful that they are accommodating my decision to throw myself on the other side of the earth but still want to see them and talk to them. People are getting married, having babies, passing away, taking jobs, starting new schools, and families are changing. Major life events for those that are closest to me, and even though my heart is extended home often, I want more than anything to be there physically to support my friends and family through times of joy and trouble. You sometimes hear from people who travel often or live abroad about the joys of "disconnecting" or about how in previous years "you could call home once a month from an expensive payphone" or "only send postcards and letters which took weeks!" But my goodness, am I thankful to live in a time where technology allows us to be as far as physically possible from home, without actually being far from home. It makes the whole world our home. Talking to friends and family keeps my strong, and there is no shame in staying connected. I miss you all very much, and part of my heart is with you always! Okay, here's some pictures
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I have to admit, when I first decided to start writing a blog I was skeptical. This is totally the sort of thing the average person either can't follow through with, or does a really mediocre job with. And guess, I'm no different. My posts have been infrequent, inconsistent, and often a mess of thoughts ridden with errors (someone decided I should be teaching english too. . . . yikes.) But hey, that's okay! I find that I often share the most negative aspects of my experience in one-on-one conversations with my close friends from home, because I find myself needing to vent. But trying to think of things to write in this blog (no matter how infrequent) has truly kept me honest. It forces me to think and to evaluate what my thoughts and emotions. When you get into a daily routine, it's easy to forget about all of the interesting details that an experience like this has to offer. Forcing myself to checkin, even if no one ever reads this, has been a fantastic motivator to remember why we're all here and to organize my emotions regarding this experience. Be honest, we have needsMy entire life I have defined myself predominantly as a musician. Sure enough, I just went 4 months without touching an instrument before I caved and bought myself a guitar (soooooo needed to do that). I lost my largest identifier and most important thing in my life very quickly, and am completely immersed among people who have lived lives that mean they won't quite understand what is that's missing from my life. When I tell locals I studied music, I immediately get asked to start singing pop tunes. (Not that this is all that much different from the American concept of what a music degree means). But as any artist will tell you, recognition is important, but that's not why we create art. Artists create art because of an inexplicable, insatiable craving at the deepest level of the soul that demands to met. I got honest. I have needs. And now I own a guitar. "I've got blisters on me fingers!" Still on the hunt for other things, but it's enough to keep my sanity for my time separated from Western concepts of classical music. Be honest, education is a mess, globallyThe world is obsessed with making comparisons to other nations in an effort to paint themselves as successful, and find others that are doing right to make that success become a reality. That being said, the more you read about education, the more you realize that there aren't many educators out there who are satisfied with the state of the education system in which they exist. Unfortunately, there are even fewer educators out there that are striving to be an agent of change within the education system. Two of my favorite things that remind me of my role and how it pertains to students: "You believe in Santa Clause, you don't believe in Santa Clause, you become Santa Clause." Also, something my student teaching mentor shared with me that I will never forget: “Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean. He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean." "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die." Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one.” Be honest, it's for the studentsIt's not about me, you, a resume, coworkers, principals, money, or government officials. If these are the motivators of any educator, they're in our classrooms for all of the wrong reasons. With that, here's some photos of 130 students from 3 different schools being awesome! A camp themed "Making Music Builds Brains" in order to help the students better understand the english language through music. We sang, we danced, we played games, we got emotional, and camped in tents 10 feet from our classroom door, and it was awesome. Shoutout to my close friends and fellow ETAs for being the number 1 contributors to guiding these students to producing some AWESOME music and presentations in english.
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Angelo SylvesterStories of my time as a Fulbright ETA in Malaysia for 2016 Archives
August 2016
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