Be yourself, and call your mom.

My students found my blog

(Hey, students! Welcome back to my blog.) 

My first reaction when I learned that my students have fallen into my outlet for friends and family back home was to absolutely panic. Since first arriving in-country the program has been telling us to choose very carefully what information we allow our colleagues, students, and local friends to know about us. But this feels insincere and constructed. As with every situation in life, you have to treat your relationships delicately, and be sure not to offend those around you. Relationships are important and burning bridges over silly issues is not a wise decision, but closing off channels of your personality can prevent bridges from being built at all. So, students, welcome to my blog. I think you'll find that you're mentioned frequently! And remember, always be unapologetically yourself. #PracticeWhatYouPreach

No seriously, be yourself.

A common frustration among ETAs (and all teachers that I know for that matter) is the feeling of always having to be "on." When a student greets you with a loud and giggly "Good morning teacher! How are you today? Where are you going? Let's selfie! Can or not?!" an appropriate response is never "Woah. Shh! I'm still finishing my coffee. Gimme, like, 10 minutes for these circles under my eyes to fade away." 

But I also believe that it's important that you be a real human to your students. There's a really interesting "western hero" perception that exists among the younger generation here. White people are beautiful, tall people are all models, America is filled with celebrities, and ETAs are bundles of joy that know every fun game the world has ever offered. (I still often get asked why I'm not tall and blonde like "most" Americans. . .) In any case, I think this idea that we, as westerners, are required to always be "on" perpetuates the very stereotype that frustrates us. When a student says "Sir, we can selfie now. Smile!" There is nothing wrong with answering "You know, I don't feel like selfie-ing today. But come hang out with me after class tomorrow, and we can selfie all afternoon!" I also refuse to feel faulted when a student says "Sir, are you angry with us?" and I can say "No. I'm very happy with you, actually. I'm just very tired today, so my energy level isn't as high as usual."

​This isn't to say that I roam around school sulking and telling students that I hate selfies, hate school, don't sleep, and they need to leave me alone. Let's be honest, I LOOVE taking selfies with my students, and I really do love high-energy games in all of my classrooms. But we must also allow our students to realize we are human. My skin is white, but my heart still aches. I'm the youngest teacher at the school, but I still get tired after long days. My passport says "United States of America" but I'm from a town equally as rural as my students, and I don't know celebrities. My family history is Italian, so I'm short and tan, but that doesn't make me any less American. And that's okay! 

(Aside: Not physically fitting the American stereotype is a massive struggle across the board for ETAs. But in all honesty, my being white (though an unexpected shade of white) has given me a privilege not as readily given to ETAs that identify as a minority race/ethnicity. Explaining my height, hair color, and skin color has been a minor part of my experience here. I think often about the identity struggles that my friends who aren't white experience, and I hope that Malaysians (and even a lot of Americans) are exposed to new people and learn that DIVERSITY, not whiteness, is America.)

But in all honesty, I feel that allowing my walls to come down, and by not allowing expectations of the American stereotype to overcome me, I've reached students that might not have otherwise reached out to me. Big personalities can be intimidating, and allowing yourself to shrink down and be human every now and again makes you approachable. (Gosh, I hope my students find me approachable...students, if you've made it this far in my blog, come hang out with me!) 

Everything moves forward

I thought that being removed from friends and family for a year would be difficult. I was right. I am king FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out - for you newbs out there) Thanks to social media and FaceTime, I'm able to keep up with almost everyone pretty frequently, and I'm so grateful that they are accommodating my decision to throw myself on the other side of the earth but still want to see them and talk to them. People are getting married, having babies, passing away, taking jobs, starting new schools, and families are changing. Major life events for those that are closest to me, and even though my heart is extended home often, I want more than anything to be there physically to support my friends and family through times of joy and trouble. 

You sometimes hear from people who travel often or live abroad about the joys of "disconnecting" or about how in previous years "you could call home once a month from an expensive payphone" or "only send postcards and letters which took weeks!" But my goodness, am I thankful to live in a time where technology allows us to be as far as physically possible from home, without actually being far from home. It makes the whole world our home. Talking to friends and family keeps my strong, and there is no shame in staying connected. I miss you all very much, and part of my heart is with you always! 

Okay, here's some pictures

Got invited to SMK Siburan by the wonderful Miss Katie to help judge an English singing competition!

Students are cool.

It started as a birthday party for another teacher. It ended as an icing fight.

The inside of "Fairy Cave" here in Bau. Not even close to capturing how beautiful this cave is.

The inside of "Fairy Cave" here in Bau. Not even close to capturing how beautiful this cave is.